I finally heard from the doctors at Cleveland Clinic a few days ago. I've been too upset to write about it, but here's the news: there is nothing more they can do for me surgically. I'm going to have to live with the condition I am in -- an unstable sternum with parts of the bones rubbing together that catches tissue and separates when I use my arms, and a ventral hernia. Because my chest has already been opened three times, none of the doctors felt that the results would be promising or lasting. Believe me, it's not that I WANTED a 14th surgery, but now I just don't know what to think. I've been dealing with bad daily pain as a result of severe degenerative disc disease in my lumbar spine (and being status post four back surgeries) for many years. This is why I use a wheelchair. Now, I find out that the really severe pain and physical limitations in my chest and arms is here to stay. I just can't get my head around this. I am struggling with the "why" of all this; even though I know that God has a plan for me. I ask you to pray for me...for strength, for clarity of mind, and for the renewed faith I will need to deal with all of this.
Without my creative endeavors, my friends and my little great-nieces and great-nephews, I don't know how I would go on. I'm really having a pity party even though I know there are many worse off than I am. I think I am just plain old worn out -- physically, mentally and spiritually. I also am always cognizant of my many blessings: the fact that my emergency open heart surgery was in the nick of time (literally); the fact that my kidney cancer was caught in time by accident; the fact that I have my mental faculties intact; the fact that I was given the gift of creativity; my friends and family; and even all of you - my blog readers and the recipients of my freebies. What good would it be for me to make them if no one wanted them?!?
Please pray for me if you are so inclined or just send good thoughts, and know that you are an important part of this journey I am on...for better or worse.
I pray for blessings for each and every one of you.